They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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