I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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