Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize