I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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