she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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