My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
