Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
