even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
