worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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