What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
