I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize