don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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