She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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