And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
