how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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