She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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