Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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