dude i'm inner monologue high
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
