there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize