I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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