Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
