ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
