I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
