woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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