i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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