saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
