Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
