I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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