I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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