he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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