I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
why is half of my head shaved?
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