Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
