you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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