just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
