I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
