So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
