Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
