At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
