glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
