just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
