woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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