Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Michael Bay diarrhea
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize