im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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