Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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