Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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