I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize