So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
