Where did you get a picture of my penis
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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