Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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