i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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