someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My pussy is not your playground.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
