My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
