You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
whose parrot is this?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize