:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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