I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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