there's paper in my vomit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
