I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
