a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i came on her dog
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
