It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
