so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
