i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
