I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
