Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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