Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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