i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
